Sleeping, Trying to Sleep, and Studying

That is all my life is right at this moment. Tomorrow marks the beginning of finals week for the Winter quarter. I only have one traditional final, but then there are papers and take home tests and papers (did I already say that?). I've been working since 8:30 this morning which is really early since I stopped working at 4:00 am. Now I'm just taking a brief break to write this update.

Insomnia and fatigue alternately hit me like a Mack truck. I'm dealing with the cumulative fatigue of two and a half years of either being in treatment or recovering from major surgery. I can't really explain what this fatigue feels like, but when it hits, I need to rest - I can't just work through it. If I was sleeping regularly, I don't think that it would be as bad, but my insomnia is back with a vengeance. During my undergraduate years I pulled one all-nighter. That's right... one all-nighter in four years. In the last three months I have had at least six nights when I didn't sleep at all. I have found that I can be extremely productive in the middle of the night, but I'd really rather be sleeping. I've tried Ambien - it doesn't really work for me and it gives me a headache. I occasionally take Ativan, but it doesn't make me drowsy anymore. I recently tried Lunesta - it didn't do anything. I'm just going to keep working to get back on a regular sleep schedule.

Finally, I have a cancer update that I should have posted a couple of weeks ago. I had an MRI to see how the chemo was working and to see if I would be a candidate for RFA on the tumor in my liver. Well, it turns out that I'm not a candidate, but for a really good reason. One the MRI, there was no measurable disease. There are still a couple of areas that don't quite look normal, but nothing that they could measure. So my oncologist is giving me a two month treatment break. After two months, I'll have a CT scan and if there aren't any changes, I'll get another two months! I am very excited to have this break. The last round of chemo was so hard on me that I really didn't know how I was going to handle it and school anymore. I really thought I was going to have to consider a break from school. I am still thinking about taking the summer off and postponing my internship until next summer and then not graduating until December 2009, but I think that it is probably not a good idea for me to push through until next June without a break. Plus I'm worried about handling a full time job without a lot of absences since I've had to miss so many classes. School is a lot more flexible about that than an internship would be.

Okay, I have to get back to my Health Economics take home final. Wish me luck in getting all of the work done by Friday!