Colon Cancer Sucks Ass

Sunday, June 05, 2011


I have struggled this past year with posting on Christy's blog. On one hand I want to keep it "alive," but on the other hand I feel like my words don't quite live up to those of Christine. The following is a common conversation I've had with myself for a while now:

Mandy: Of course your words and thoughts don't live up to Christy's, Mandy! Nobody can replace the original person that you love and miss so much -- duh.

Me: But I do want to honor my best friend's memory.

Mandy: Well then write for cripes sake!

Me: But it's not my story to tell.

Mandy: Maybe not, but her story has definitiely become a big part of your story -- her friendship and loss have had a major impact on your life, after all.

Me: You have a point. My life is better for having known her...but reliving the loss is so hard.

Mandy: Maybe that is what is really keeping you from telling Christy's story -- grief?

Me: Probably. I still miss her every day. When something bad happens, I want to call her and tell her about it. When something good happens, I wish she were there to share it with me. Damn it! Why did she have to leave us?!

Mandy: It is not fair -- it never is.

Me: And Christy was so right: Cancer does suck ass!

Mandy: As I see it, you have two choices: 1)Continue sharing her story; or 2)Hold your memories inside, and keep them private and close to your heart. The second option may not help anyone else, but it may bring comfort to you.

Me: You make option 2 sound so selfish when you put it that way...

Mandy: Maybe because it kind of is, but nobody would blame you for grieving in your own way.

Me: I can't help but wonder what Christy would want me to do. Maybe I should make a bracelet with "WWCD?" inscribed on it -- ha!

Mandy: Now, we both know Christy would love that! :-)

Me: Look at that! We made me laugh!

Mandy: Laughter is always good. In fact, Christy always said it was the one single thing that made her feel "normal."

Me: Out of respect, I will leave the obvious response to that last comment alone ;-) Maybe I could tell some of her funnier stories? To make others laugh?

Mandy: You could give it a try -- never hurts to try. Although, it does hurt to laugh sometimes :-)

Me: You do realize that not only am I talking to myself, but I am also basically texting myself. Mortifying.

Mandy: Yes it is.

Me: Gee, thanks, Mandy.

Mandy: No problemo. That's what I'm here for, girlfriend! *SNAP*

Me: Christy? Is that you?....


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