Colon Cancer Sucks Ass

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I Know How To Clear A Room

A perhaps little-known fact - the intestines are so tempermental that after they are handled by a surgeon, they "go to sleep." After a surgery that has required such handling, the doctors will not let the patient eat anything until they have "passed gas" which indicates that the bowels have woken up.

When I had my partial colectemy (removal of a section of the colon) last year, I was not allowed to eat for a week. Every day the doctors and nurses would use their stethoscopes to check for sounds in my intestines. And every day they would say that it was getting close with a look of anticipation. This milestone would be something to celebrate.

Finally, the day arrived. I farted! Now it should have been time for that celebration, but think about this: I released gasses that had been trapped in my intestines for a week. I was in my hospital bed and my mom was standing next to me. As I was slowly overcome by the disgusting smell, I quietly said "excuse me" and my mom's first instinct was to take a deep breath... THROUGH... HER... NOSE! She hadn't noticed the horrific smell that filled the room. Her reaction can only be described as spastic. She visible shook at the foul odor. I couldn't stop laughing and believe me, laughter a week after colon surgery hurts a lot. It was by far my favorite moment (if you can have a favorite moment in the hospital) of that hospital stay.

If you are wondering how the doctors reacted to the news, they applauded.

[And Mom, this is revenge for Saturday's email... you'll think twice before you remind me how long it is until Chrismas again! : ) ]


  • At 4:11 PM, Blogger Kristen said…

    Really, who wouldn't applaud that kind of achievement? :)

  • At 10:51 AM, Blogger Spanky Myass said…

    How funny...

  • At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    [Inappropriate content deleted by administrator - Ha ha!]
    Love, Mom

  • At 4:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You are a bad girl!!!!!

    Love Mom

  • At 8:27 AM, Blogger Marcia said…

    Best. Story. EVER.


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