I Know How To Clear A Room

A perhaps little-known fact - the intestines are so tempermental that after they are handled by a surgeon, they "go to sleep." After a surgery that has required such handling, the doctors will not let the patient eat anything until they have "passed gas" which indicates that the bowels have woken up.

When I had my partial colectemy (removal of a section of the colon) last year, I was not allowed to eat for a week. Every day the doctors and nurses would use their stethoscopes to check for sounds in my intestines. And every day they would say that it was getting close with a look of anticipation. This milestone would be something to celebrate.

Finally, the day arrived. I farted! Now it should have been time for that celebration, but think about this: I released gasses that had been trapped in my intestines for a week. I was in my hospital bed and my mom was standing next to me. As I was slowly overcome by the disgusting smell, I quietly said "excuse me" and my mom's first instinct was to take a deep breath... THROUGH... HER... NOSE! She hadn't noticed the horrific smell that filled the room. Her reaction can only be described as spastic. She visible shook at the foul odor. I couldn't stop laughing and believe me, laughter a week after colon surgery hurts a lot. It was by far my favorite moment (if you can have a favorite moment in the hospital) of that hospital stay.

If you are wondering how the doctors reacted to the news, they applauded.

[And Mom, this is revenge for Saturday's email... you'll think twice before you remind me how long it is until Chrismas again! : ) ]