Colon Cancer Sucks Ass

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I Wonder What The Street Value Is?

Who goes to the doctor complaining of shoulder pain and has to have blood tests done?

That's right. It's me!

I had an appointment with a new doctor this morning. My primary care physician left UCLA last June so I've just been avoiding any general-type appointments. Unfortunately, my shoulders feel like they are going to fall off. Every time I lift my arms up, I get shooting pains from my shoulders down through my upper arms. Ouch! I would have just taken ibuprofen for a few days, but being on coumadin and with my little platelet problem, I am not allowed to take ibuprofen or aspirin or naproxen sodium (Aleve). All I can take is Tylenol. So I made an appointment.

The doctor was very nice, but he asked SO MANY questions: Do you have any heart problems? Is there any history of colon cancer in your family? Did you know that there is a gross mascara glop in the corner of your eye? Okay, so he didn't ask the last one, but I bet he would have if there actually was a gross mascara glop in the corner of my eye. He was just that thorough.

Then there was the physical exam where I kicked and pushed him. He was asking for it though. Seriously. And he finally concluded that I have too much wax in my right ear. Not that the wax is causing the shoulder pain, but he couldn't see into my right ear. Actually, he thinks that my shoulder joint is just inflamed and it will just take some time to heal... and I have too much wax in my right ear. He ordered blood tests to make sure that there's not a problem with muscle degeneration - there's really a blood test for that.

Until the inflamation clears up, he prescribed Vicodin for the pain. I'm not a big fan of Vicodin. I feel really foggy when I take it, so I avoid it. I could use some extra money though. Hmmm... I wonder what the street value of this stuff is?* I'll send out my broker to sell the stuff.

My Broker

If you squint a little, that kind of looks like my roommate. Interesting.

*I am kidding about this. I will not sell my Vicodin... or my Ativan or my Xeloda - of course, no one actually wants my Xeloda. Chemo is not that attractive for the non-cancerified.


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